i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
