she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
