yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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