just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
