Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
