Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
