I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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