wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
