ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
