Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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