he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
