Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
