I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
