my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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