theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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