I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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