would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
