My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
