so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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