I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
