i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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