Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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