Just fell off a train. Bad.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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