2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
