please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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