Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
