But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
