You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
