I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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