I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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