Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
