Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
