Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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