Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
