I hate your face
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
