She said her name was "party"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
im on a boat
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