I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
