Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
