i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
