Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
