Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he laminated a picture of his dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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