I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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