Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
