i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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