i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
