The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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