He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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