2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
