Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
