he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
