so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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