You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
